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DECISION TIME: Better Decisions for a
Better Life
In many cases decision situations have a strong element of humor to them.
This humorous aspect is very useful in communicating information about the
people involved and principles of good decisions. Check back periodically to see
additional items which will appear on an irregular basis. Also check the
DECISION TIME! Blog at http://betterlifedecisions.blogspot.com
for additional humor, anecdotes, and decision-related postings.
 | If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, then
it's understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings. |
| Rev. Billy Graham came to a new town early in his career, and wanting to
mail a letter, he asked a boy where the post office was. After receiving
that information Rev. Graham suggested to the boy that he should come to the
Baptist Church on Sunday to hear him tell everyone how to get to heaven. The
boy said that he didn't think that he would be at the church. When Rev.
Graham asked why, the boy said, "You're telling everyone how to get to
heaven, and you don't even know how to get to the post office." |
| Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so
ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to
be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven
years." |
| A family of new immigrants was at a department store. As is usually the
case, the mother was shopping while the father and son stood around and
looked at everything around them. They were amazed by almost everything they
saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and back
together again. The boy asked his father, "What is it, Dad?" The
father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I don't know
what it is. I have never seen anything like it." While the boy and his
father were watching somewhat bewildered, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled
up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the old
lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy
and his father watched small circles of light with numbers above the moving
walls light up in sequence. They continued to watch the circles light up in
the reverse direction. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful
24-year-old woman stepped out. The father shouted to his son, "GO GET
YOUR MOTHER!" |
| Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when a
young woman fell overboard. Immediately, there was an 80 year old man in the
water who rescued her. The crew pulled them both out of the ocean. The
captain was grateful as well as astonished that this elderly man had
performed such an act of bravery. That night a banquet was given in honor of
the ship's elderly hero. He was called forward and asked to say a few words
about the rescue. He said, "Once I was in the water, it was no big
deal. But I sure am curious about who pushed me overboard." |
| George Halas, the founder, owner, and long-time coach of the Chicago Bears
football team was known to be stingy. One of his key players said of Halas
that he threw nickels around as though they were manhole covers. |
| One of the first astronauts was heard to comment as they strapped him into
his Mercury space capsule that he was completely committed to space flight,
but that he would feel a lot better if every item on the rocket and capsule
was not the absolutely lowest cost component they could find... |
| One of the classic Jack Benny stories which originated on his radio show
and was recreated for the television version had his stingy character
accosted by a robber: |
Robber:
"Your money or your life!"
Jack: (Silence)
Robber: "I
said, your money or your life!"
Jack: "I'm
thinking...I'm thinking..."
| In one of the old and long-gone Sunday comic strips, Denny Dimwit, a boy
whose head is perfectly shaped to fit into a conical dunce cap is being
offered a choice of a nickel or a dime coin by several people. |
Person Number
One: "Denny, I'll give you whichever coin you want. Do you want the large
one or the small one?"
Denny: I'll
take the large one." (...Laughter)
Person Number
Two: "Denny, you can have another coin. Do you want the larger or the
smaller one?"
Denny:
"I'll take the larger one." (...More laughter)
Person Number
Three: "Denny, choose a coin from me too."
Denny:
"I'll take the larger one again." (...Laughter)
Person Number
Four: "Try again, Denny."
Denny:
"I'll take the larger one." (...Laughter)
Bystander:
"Denny, don't you realize they are laughing at you. You keep choosing the
nickel, and a nickel is worth less than a dime."
Denny:
"But if I chose the smaller coin, they would stop offering me money!"
| Magician: "Would you please pick a card, any card?" |
Audience member: "Is that a trick
question?"
| Cartoon about indecision: |
Panel 1: Tree on a snowy hillside with
ski tracks swerving to the left of it.
Panel 2: Tree on a snowy hillside with
ski tracks swerving to the right of it.
Panel 3: Tree stump on a snowy hillside
with ski tracks straddling both sides of it.
| In the Peanuts comic strip Charlie Brown would always try to kick
the football when Lucy held it for him, even though he knew that during
every past attempt she had pulled the ball away so that he fell down when he
missed the ball. I think this is a case of: Fool me once; shame on you! Fool
me twice; shame on me! Fool me over and over; shame on all the readers who
laugh at me! |
| An Iconoclast's view of the Three Little Pigs: |
The story of the Three Little
Pigs is supposed to be about making good decisions. Always build your house
out of bricks rather than straw or sticks... Without casting aspersions at
imagination,
Pigs can't build houses. They have no hands.
Pigs can't talk; nor can wolves talk.
Wolves can't "huff and puff and blow your house down". If you
have a dog, you know that the shape of their mouths and lack of lips keep them
from blowing. The best they can do is pant.
If the pigs had been in their houses, the wolf would have panted at them,
and the pigs in the straw and stick houses would have knocked them down trying
to get out and away from the bad breath of the panting wolf. The pig in the
brick house would either have not smelled the wolf's bad breath, or he would
have given himself a headache trying to break out through the walls.
| What to consider when making your Marriage Decision: |
A good marriage is like a Pizza...
The blending of tomato and cheese gives it flavor to the very end.
It is made more interesting as the Maker adds extra ingredients during
preparation,.
but it takes a lot of crust to bind it together.
| Whenever you decide to do something, make sure you spell your commitment
to do it as "commitmeant". |
| Yogi Berra Quotations: |
"I knew I was going to take
the wrong train, so I left early."
"If you don't know where you
are going, you will wind up somewhere else."
"You better cut the pizza in
four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
"If you come to a fork in the
road, take it."
"It ain't the heat; it's the
humility."
"I didn't really say
everything I said."
| Victor Borge, famed concert pianist and comedian told the story of his
father who invented the drink "3-Up". The next year he improved it
to "4-Up" and then "5-Up". He finally marketed it as
"6-Up", but he died unhappy because it was not a success. |
| Seen on an MIT blackboard: 2+2=5 for large values of 2. |
| Old Irish Saying: |
You either have good health or bad
health.
If you have good health, there's
no need to worry
If you have bad health, you will
either get better or worse.
If you get better, there's no need
to worry.
If you get worse, you will either
live or die.
If you live, there's no need to
worry.
If you die, you will either go to
heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven, there's no
need to worry.
If you go to hell, you will meet
all of your old friends and relatives there.
So, why worry?
| Just to show you that everything is not black and white, look between the
black squares |
at the intersections of the
white stripes, and you should see smaller gray squares.
| There's a recent merger in my town which might merit attention. The oldest
funeral home has merged with a bank. Right now they are in the process of
remodeling the funeral home to be the latest in modern suburban banking. The
reason this merger is worthy of note is that it may signal the change that
everyone has been seeking for a long time: You can take it with
you! |
Buy book from Amazon - hardcover and paperback links:
DECISION TIME: Better Decisions for a
Better Life
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